Ya’ll. Ya’ll. I need to just… man, seriously. Wait, wait let me gather myself.
Okay, I’m good now. So yesterday, I was on Twitter, being innocent, tweeting about the goodness of the Lord like I usually am, and then I decided I wanted to answer some questions. Some of my Twitter friends do this Ask.fm thing where people can anonymously ask you questions and you can answer them. You can post the answers, or not, and the person can tell you who they are if they choose, but mostly it’s anonymous. As you can imagine, with anonymity on your side, the questions can get a little raunchy. So anyway, I’m answering questions about… stuff, and I start getting inquiries about how young I’ll go in terms of dating. And then a young gentlemen tells me he wants me, and he’s 21. Sir. No. I mean, I can’t do this. Really. THEN, someone else asks me anonymously if I’m some sort of cougar now. And I responded that I didn’t think I was. But that I almost always attract guys who are younger than me. I don’t mean to. But it’s true. About 80% of the time, I do. But I don’t know why. So here I go again, with another thing to try to get to the root of. Now I’m going to break this down in sections, as organizing my thoughts is my way.
Hot Mama or Little Girl?
Now, when I noticed years ago that this happened to me, I figured it was because I came across too motherly. I mean, no lie. When I was 25, I legit met a bunch of guys who were 19. And as flattering as it may seem, it’s… sometimes not. I didn’t want to be seen as someone who’ll take care of you. And I felt like that was the case. Now, the conundrum with this is that I will take care of you. I am 100%, pure unadulterated nurturer in terms of personality. I will always make sure you’ve eaten, and ask you how you slept, and get on you about drinking enough water and eating vegetables. I am just built that way. So of course that’s how I come across; that’s how I am. But that doesn’t mean I want to date someone so much younger than me, whose main attraction is that reason. Got dammit, I want to be sexy to you! I want you to want to eat ME up when you see me, not your vegetables. So, trying to balance the facets of my personality has been a struggle for me. Either way, I don’t want to be your mom, mentor, or your “stability.” I mean, you’re cute and all sir, but I can’t do my work and make sure you get to class too. As an aside, let me just say that this has nothing to do with the maturity level of these younger guys. Because I don’t go into it assuming they’re all immature. I think that would be short-sighted of me. This is all about me (as my blog usually is, lol), trying to figure out what I’m projecting into the universe. So, on we go…
Then my next thought was just as problematic. I started to wonder if I attract younger guys because I come across as someone their age, in terms of mindset and interest. Maybe they don’t see a mature, mother figure– maybe they see a young girl when they look at me. And I don’t take that as a compliment. I’m 34, and proud to be. I’m also a responsible, mature person. I pay my bills on time, and think before I speak, and hide my petty tendencies with the skill of a Jedi master. So is it a compliment that someone seven or eight years younger looks at me and sees a match in terms of mindset? Sigh. I don’t know.
My friend Teri thinks I’m over thinking this. And a small part of myself does as well. I had the thought that I should be happy to even be approached, because that means I am giving off a vibe of approachability, which was hard for me before because I’ve struggled so much feeling attractive and adequate. Let’s not rehash that. You guys know how it was. Anyway, part of me thought I should go with it, and enjoy it. Teri agrees with me. Believe me, I’m trying. But it’s hard to get something in my head and not flesh it out, so here we are.
My Own Age?
Okay, so I went through the first part of this, but there’s more pieces. The second piece to this is that I have a harder time gaining, and keeping the interest of guys my age. I don’t know why. Do they see me as immature? Or am I too motherly for them too? I’d say it’s about half and half. Half of them want younger girls, spry and 25, at the latter end of the party girl phase that they can start families with. I’m not too old for babies, by any means, but 25 is not 34, that’s for sure. And it could just be a clash of personality. Maybe our interests don’t line up. And maybe my interests typically coincide with people that are younger than I am. A lot of times I feel like guys my age are looking for women that are more… “ladylike,” I guess is the term. Girls that wear full face makeup and stiletto heels. They always have their nails done, and perfect pin curls. And I’m barely out of my adult Punky Brewster phase, lol. By that I just mean that I’m not a “girly girl.” You’ll have to excuse the generalizations. I know none of these types are absolutes. So don’t lecture me in the comments, okay? I’m just saying. There seems to be a bit of an expectation that I don’t meet in terms of personality. But I’m working on my sexy. Watch me this summer. Anyway… to the last thing…
Now. Older guys. Oh my goodness. First of all, most of them smell so damn good. But that’s neither here nor there. The crux with them is that most of the time our interests aren’t lining up. If I have to tell you who Action Bronson is, I don’t know how far we’re going to go. That sounded shallow, didn’t it? I apologize. It was just an example. But you get the overall picture, right? I never meet an older guy whose interests line up with mine. NEVER. I suppose it’s not impossible. But I have no knowledge of this life. I have a Twitter follower who’s an older guy that I think is so awesome. Not too much older. Early 40’s. But still. He’s kind of in a class by himself. I mean, he listens to hip-hop and knows (like I know and everyone else should know) that Rakim is the greatest MC of all time. How can you not love him? But like I said, he’s the exception. Most of the time, the rule is jazz festivals and me having to explain who Action Bronson is. No bueno.
I was talking to my best friend about this, and I sensed she didn’t think it was worth the mention. But that’s how she’s always been about this. Most of the time when I tell her someone significantly younger shows an interest, she acts like I shouldn’t even entertain it. I wondered if I should listen. But her dating life hasn’t ever been anything like mine. I mean, she’s met assholes. We all do. And she’s struggled. We all do. But she hasn’t had the trouble even getting approached, like I have. She’s never felt out of place and small in a room full of her FRIENDS. She’s never been the one girl at the bar who doesn’t have anyone talk to her ALL NIGHT. I have been that girl. I have complexes and confidence issues. I give myself enough grief. I think, for this, maybe I should relax. And I’m not saying this to say I should entertain everyone. I’m saying it to say that age seems like a smaller thing, when other things are so much bigger. Did I just solve my own problem? Hot damn!
So now that I’ve done exactly the opposite of what Teri told me and over thought this, I’ll just end it here and go back to Ask.fm. Apparently, someone on there wants to tickle me very badly, lol. Thanks for reading. Love you!