The last month or so has been an absolute whirlwind for me. I’m getting ready to put my house on the market, I’ve been de-cluttering and organizing at home, plus gearing up for our triannual Council meeting, which makes this a super busy time at work too. I’ve been evaluating things in my life, trying to rake through all my frustration and angst and get to the bottom of everything. I realized that I spent quite a few blogs complaining about the state of my life, and lamenting on my fear and anxiety. I’m sorry if all of that brought you down, if you wanted me to handle it differently, or if you just didn’t want to hear it. But when I have those feelings, THIS is the place I let them out. This is MY space. My safe, nonjudgmental space. It’s the place where all my emotions are valid, even the ones I repeat over and over, even the ones people are tired of hearing about. And in this space, every single emotion that leaves my mind and heart and travels through the keyboard is valid… and okay. No worries, I’m not upset. And I don’t want to seem defensive. But I needed a minute to remind myself of that.
Anyway, since there are areas in my life where I’m about to embark on a brand new journey, I thought it’d be a good time to talk about moving on. When is the right time? How do you prepare? And how do you know if what you’re moving on to… is better?
Now when I was in a relationship, this was a question that plagued me often. That sounds sad, doesn’t it? That I was in a relationship where I often thought about moving on. But the honest to goodness truth is that he and I were no good for each other, and I was often hurt enough and lonely enough to consider giving up. Love and loyalty made me feel like that was the wrong move. So I stayed. Now, I finally did move on. But what I figured out during the healing process is that I did it way too late. I was with him three and a half years. We NEVER should have lasted that long. All it did was crush my heart into even smaller pieces. I learned from that. I always say there’s a very fine line between not giving up too soon, and not holding on too long. It’s a tightrope walk for sure. But what I did learn for myself is that it’s all about when the scales tip. The moment I start dreading things (like conversations) with my s/o, it’s time for me to reassess. And the moment I dread more than I look forward to, it’s time for me to go. Your barometer may be different, of course. That’s totally fine. But this is what I learned. In this scenario, I find that although you can know when it will happen, and there is definitely a good time to move on, there’s no real way to prepare. No matter what, a broken heart is simply that.
I’ve also since moved on from having a roommate, and I’m in the process of moving on from owning a house. Both of those have been big emotional adjustments, because both of those things represented a level of stability to me, and I won’t have them anymore. And having those things represent stability pretty much means that there’s no good time to move on. You just have to when it comes. This is definitely one where you roll with the punches. But how do you prepare? Well I’ve been sighing, and crying and stomping my feet a little. But after that, you just get your ducks in a row. You search for new places to live. You stack all the money you can. You do your research as far as selling your house. You reinforce your relationship with your best friend so you don’t feel like you’re losing her emotional presence, just because you lost the physical one. You prep. And prep. And prep. And it’s time for me to do that in full force. It’s time for me to move on, whether I want to or not, and no matter how hard it is. But just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean it won’t be good. See what I mean about multitasking?
Now how do you know that what you’re moving onto is better? You don’t. Mind reading doesn’t come with age, unfortunately. I have no idea what the future holds. But I know I’ll never find out until I move on.
Speaking of which, July marks the three-year anniversary of my blog. It’s been everything I wanted and more. It’s given me a voice, and made me a far better writer than I could have imagined. With that being said, I think it’s time for me take a break. My life hasn’t been all that different over the last three years, which means I’m running out of “new” perspectives and experiences to talk over with you guys. So I want to back away for a bit, and come back when I’m in a different place, so I can offer my readers something new, instead of just struggling to put a new spin on topics I already covered. I also want to pay a little more attention to writing publicly, broadening my audience, and telling more stories. So look out for me in some other spaces.
I’ll keep the blog up, so people can still read it, and every once a while, I’ll post a link, so you can read my older thoughts if you want to. But I want to thank each and every person that ever rocked out with me. If you ever clicked on my links, read, commented, liked, and subscribed. I love you so much. I’ll be around, even if it’s not in this forum. And one day, I’ll be back.